the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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