Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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