: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
