Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
