Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
