What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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