The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It's shark week go big or go home
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
