i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
