I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
