fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
