he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
