she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
