You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
