just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
