Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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