Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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