I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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