she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
