Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
