so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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