Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
