I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
