Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
