My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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