This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
