I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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