I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
