At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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