I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
