I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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