remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
