Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
