i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
