remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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