i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i was born a porn star she said
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
