So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
