the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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