My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
