shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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