His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
