I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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