I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
