She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
