my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
