Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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