I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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