last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
