as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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