He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
