shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
