I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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