he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
