Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
