I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
